11:37AM 11/18/2024
金がない。不眠症。憤然を起きた
4:23PM 11/17/2024
I am trying so hard not to be depressed man. It's so hard. I'm thinking about a lot of things. I've wasted so much time drowning in misery, it's shaved goddamn near a decade off my life. I feel like I'm clawing my way out of a black hole 70% of the time. I want to be that person that was starting to form, before I was blugeoned by my own mind. That person that hungered for knowledge, that person that hungered for possibility, that had hopes and dreams. Not the person subdued and muted by fear, by numbing agents of nothingburger content. Not the person withered by envy, the Bible says envy is the rotteness of the bones and let me tell you, it is, its the only sin you don't even derive a sliver of pleasure from. Let me tell you, don't fall into envy and emotions similiar. It will suck you dry and you will be left empty and bare. If you are prone to depression it will make that even worse. You think dead inside is just due to outside forces? You think dead inside is rendered by group conflict solely? No, let me tell you, envy will consume you whole. Envy and hatred and hurbris and fear, these emotions they kill the soul. When you let them consume you, you will know what dead inside really is. Because when you are strung at the mercy of these rotting emotions, all you will be able to see in everything is competition and threat, and after some time, you cannot call a person in such a state human. They have been reduced to mere reactions to reaction. You think it will soothe the soul? The powerlessness? No it will not. Envy is a wendigo, envy, fear, hate, hubris, they can mimick what a human sounds like, and looks like, but they will devour you whole. It is like looking into the mouth of hell. Don't be a mean person. You think it is just a little silly thing. You think it will soothe the powerless hungering soul? Do you really think your tar-and-feather-tongue will be a worthy salve to your own subjugation? You never know how far that rock may fall. Meanness, cruelty it costs everything, it costs everything, and it means nothing. Don't think just because you believe in God that you are better than. If your soul is shrounded in the cloth of bias and judgement, and you cannot even read the soul of a flesh and blood vessel, then do you really know God, or do you only know the mere vessels so-said to understand God? Vessels of cellouse, yet when you look into another human being's eyes, is thine eye single and full of light? Would a 'lesser' animal, such as a pet, hold them in their eyes with more warmth and love than you, a human being? How is it these beings are lesser than humankind? If we are the stewards of the earth, I feel we are not doing such a good job. We oscillate between an egotist praise of humanity and a self-flaggelating spewer of misanthropy at our fallen nature. Yet we dismiss all the other beings because they are 'animal', we ignore the other creations. But in the base coat of reality, did God not sew the thread of being with every quark that spins? What does it matter if some creations are configured so different? Do they not have soul? I see the soul in their eyes even if they have no words. So many people are so obsessed with the flesh and I don't get it. Lust is just one avenue that can become greedy. And that's all that really is when rotting, greed. But I feel like where I live we are taught to be greedy. Yet the flesh is the most profane vector to some. What about everything else? Is it because people don't like to ponder, that maybe we are not such pure beings, that they cannot sit with something unknown? Is it because it is the easiest vessel to control, because when the world is consumed with greed, with displaced power, across the seas and through countless mothertongues, it is just easier? Then looking into the eyes of chaos, and fighting something that seems damn near impossible to battle?
6:37PM 11/16/2024
The more I exist the more I legitimately am starting to believe this world is a simulation. What being ajacent to the technocracy does to a mf.
12:33AM 11/15/2024
こんばんは、おすぎさん。高校を初めて日本語を勉強しました。よく語句を忘れる。プログラムーですか？四十九歳、ハーフ、日本語人とカナダ人ですか？全てを分かりませんでした。お母さんはにほんごです、お父さんはカナダ人ですか？ごめんなさい日本語を下手です。あっそっかドンさんは日本語人とカナダ人です。ビデオを早送りした。日本語プログラムー言語がいるだろうか。ルビーね？おすすめ日本語本がありますか。なんて本草学に関する日本語本ですか。または、日本人為政家に関する日本語本ですか。全て別個社会を学びたい。ありがとございます！ユーチューブ映画が好きです。すばらしい一日を!
7:35PM 11/14/2024
こんばんは、おすぎさん。高校を初めて日本語を勉強しました。今は語句を忘れせんでした。プログラムーですか？四十九歳、ハーフ、日本語人とカナダ人ですか？全てを分かりませんでした。お母さんはにほんごです、お父さんはカナダ人ですか？ごめんなさい日本語を下手です。あっそっかドンさんは日本語人とカナダ人です。ビデオを早送りした。日本語プログラムー言語がいるだろうか。ルビーね？おすすめ日本語本がありますか。本草学に関する日本語本ですか。または、に関する日本語本ですか
12:26PM 11/7/2024
Because of how the sun's light is filtered through the earth's atmosphere, we perceive it as yellow-orange and even depict it in photography and art this way, though it is actually white in space. Something called Rayleigh Scattering. I don't know why that kind of blew my mind. I just kind of thought the sun was yellow. I guess it technically is because I mean humans can't even percieve UV light color right? It just makes me think of how much of everything can be totally skewed by one perception. But it doesn't make me feel exstinetial dread in a depressive way, I just wanna know. Not intelligent enough for physics and things like that but it's interesting. I really do not like math. There is this book I was recommended called Alex's Adventures in Numberland. "Ray Kurzweil, a futurist who popularized the idea. In his book The Singularity Is Near (2005)". I am in a class not paying great attention. I really wish I had known that physics wasn't just classical mechanics in high school when I'd watch Marvel movies and the like with the Pop-Sci particle inspo. It's just consuming half my thoughts. Okay that's putting it mild. I can't stop thinking about it. I just look at my hands and think about the cells underneath and then the quarks churning all matter in the base coat of reality. Most of the time I just go about my life but it calls to me like a siren. But everyone says that about things they might be interested in so what do I know. Everyone says that about the tip of the iceberg but you don't know how you'd fare once you're plunged into the waters. I mean think about how crazy it actually is. We can just transmit sound by will? And scan a fucking QR code with electrons and shit? I wonder if a person that lived before the industrial rev would think it was akin to witchcraft.
12:04AM 11/6/2024
doen wij mensen alles leven in een oligarchie demiurg? Ik soms denken, personen zie niet. alles ik zie is rood.
3:55AM 10/28/2024
俺は日本語を書きかせますか？全て語句を忘れた。
10:00PM ish 10/27/2024 - Genesis of Website
Never really coded before. Have a vague interest in programming. Though I suppose HTML isn't a programming language, it's a markup language, right? I am Gen Z and have always had a distate for how boring the internet looks. I don't know how to de-link those four catogories. Suppose I'll do that later and just yap right now. My interest spawned when I saw this Yt short about this millenial woman who was remiscening about how people in the MySpace scene and generally would code their own websites, and it sort of blew my mind (as I am not knowledgable about the history at all or web software). I suppose I have been in a sort of spoonfed fugue, pruned off creativity. Everything feels so automated and regulated on the internet. Once I learn how to make seperate pages I'll make a journal page. I want to know how to make those sticker things.